Still Dead

Author: Vipasha Mehta

  • illusions to go with…they’re free…are on the brain…

    A life, planted in death and twice as dead, but throbs to wake even the dead.

    1

    A lost life

    is being lived

    by me

    2

    Come alive
    for a few
    I do
    and
    dead again

  • આ થાય​?

    શરિર વગર મગજ જીવે, મગજ વગર શરિર જીવે,  ને જયારે શરીર વાળું મગજ, જીવન વગર આગળ વધ્યા કરી વધે, આપોઆપ ત્યારે આ લખાય આપોઆપ…

    આસપાસનાં અણગમાઓ અંદર એકઠા થઇ,  જીવી કોહવાહી બાર આવે અંદરનાને મારી,  મેળે આપોઆપઃ   

    જીવી છું?

    ના એતો હુર્રર્ર હુટ્ટ

  • The Apartment…continues

    Virendraani was sitting near the fire-place. It was 7 pm in the clock hung very carefully on the wall,  at a height of 6 year old person. Was Virendraani 6 year old? No. Virendraani was a brown skin toned woman with polio in her 40’s. She possessed wavy long back-length hair, pitch black and silky, a long oval face, which was termed as “beautiful”, at the age of 4 by her Dad, whom Virendraani, always thought of as a ‘’too positive person’’. Not specially now, after living half a world away from him,  rather since she turned 20 or 22.  Virendraani couldn’t really remember her exact age when this happened,  or maybe was it a process?

    She pondered on this at times,  mostly in latter parts of evenings,  after handling her business that of getting herself up and ready in mornings,  with ‘’expert help’’ provided by staff,  selected by

    The Basic Help For Wings To Fly agency.  And thus she knew that she always thought of her Dad was too positive individual, and it was not after living in a building run by an up close and personal with the administrative staff of  the Basic Help For Wings To Fly agency. 

    This agency,  the Basic Help For Wings To Fly,  was an agency composed of a “ready to mould and better that life in a wheel- chair” mindsets,  

    So Virendraani,  re- evaluated her concluding thoughts,  regarding,  when her Dad’s being too positive person,  got embossed on her conscious and subconscious,  she thought now,  that maybe was it a process of living by her 24/7, which turned her normal common dad into ‘’a too positive Dad’’,  which now,  turned her own self,  into her own ‘’too positive Father’’, thought Virendraani.

    Strangely each time she thought of the apartment she was allotted in Pennsylvania,  she felt a jolt of thrill overtaking every negative thought within her brain,  as the mere thought of living miles and miles away from her Dad and India itself was unbearably satisfying for her! And 

    thus Virendraani  loved that old artistically built beautiful apartment building in Chestnut Hill, a suburb of Pennsylvania! Though it was a building easily accessible for wheelchairs/power chairs,  even when in the thickest of Pennsylvanian snow falls, but was it built for individual human beings who were in those hand picked and custom made wheelchairs/power chairs,  each hand picked for each different physical dis- ability?, often she thought. 

    Though many times,  while contemplating on similar thoughts,  she would drive near the small square broken rusted window with rusted brownish red window frame. As she would sit there,  she always felt an enthused graciousness towards the window and its placement thinkers,  as that window/its placement thinkers made it easy for her  to get a full view of the beautiful outside scene scape.

    Even today Virendrani set on a black leathered power wheel-chair, but her anxious look was fixed on the main door of her apartment. She looked at the door, her eyes had a strange mixture of an urge, a request, an intense urge, calmly harnessed by,  and yet containing a strangely strained patience,  somewhere inside them. 

    While sitting with that calmed harness intense urge, her face was not smiling nor expressing anything, it was just positioned to look at the door, calmly yet intently, as if it was requesting the door to make the sound of the key opening its lock!

    And it happened! The sound of the key opening its lock! 

    The door was knocked light clear and politely before being opened. Virendraani’s heart pounded fast, with butter fly sensation in the left side of her stomach right under where a human heart is situated pounding.

    The door opened,  a woman,  in loose fitted jeans white shirt,  carelessly inserted in semi dark blue jeans and a thick jacket zipped up to her chest entered. 

     A chill runs through Vira’s body as the lock turns in the door.

    The door opens. A woman dressed in rough looking jeans and a big shirt enters. The woman has a roundish dark skinned face. Her big black eyes look even prettier with a black mascara. Her big shirt 

    and  her rough jeans give her a rough edge over her feminine look. But there was something specific inside the character of the women,  not her dressing style, which got Vira turn head over heals for her. And Vira forgot all her anxiety over her dance steps, as she looked into those big black eyes.

    Vira: (In a soft voice): Hi Cosina.

    Cosina: (Standing a little away from Vira) : Hi. So, shall we dance a perfect dance?

    Vira: (hurt angry) Can’t you forget the damn dance for a second? I’ve been waiting for you since…

    Cosina: Forget the dance?? Then forget me.

    Vira- in a desperate tone: Why? What’s so special…

    Cosina: (cutting Vira off with a stern voice):Then forget me.

    Vira looks scared, her face turns pale. She quickly changes her tone and her facial expression,  to enthusiasm . She says in an enthusiastic   tone: 

    Vira with forced enthusiastic tone: Yes, let’s dance! 

    As she speaks that sentence, she feels she has copied Rosevile’s enthusiasm.

     Cosina turns on the music. Cosina starts dancing. Vira moves her body sitting in the wheel-chair.

    After dancing for awhile, Cosina just happens to look in Vira’s eyes. Vira softly says

    Vira (in a soft voice) I love you.

    Cosina: (looking in Vira’s big pretty eyes): I know.

    Vira (grabs the moment)   Cant we be like everyone else. Can’t we forget this dancing thing? You know me since 8 years. I have loved you crazily. Why can’t you just tell that I’ll make you very happy and that the love is enough for us to go on, we can make a perfect couple,  some such thing, it’s just the right thing, perfectly palpable cliched lines, for them.

    Cosina: (jerking back, angrily in a frustrating tone) No. We can’t. You have to do this dance everyday,

    they want you to be a perfect match for me when I perform on the stage.

    Vira: (Trying hard to prove her point.) But I love you, I 

    Cosina: So? They want you to be a perfect match for me when we are out together.

    Vira: (Angry tone) What perfect? I want to be your life partner, not your goddamn slave.

    Cosina: (Surprised, yet angry) Well it is what it is. You have to dance and that too a perfect dance.

    Vira is hurt. Suddenly a strange confidence spreads on her face. She looks straight into Cosina’s eyes. There is a strange calmness in her eyes.

    Vira: (calm tone) O.K.

    Cosina steps back. Her face has a strange fear on it as she looks at Vira’s calm and distant look.

    Cosina: (In a gentle voice.) Tomorrow I’ll think of a new song and we can dance to it. 

    Cosina tries to look into Vira’s eyes

    Vira still has the strange calmness in her eyes

    Cosina’s face turns pale. She cheerfully says

    Cosina: ( in a cheerful loving tone): Then we can chat.

    Vira’s thoughts seem to be somewhere else. The softness which was there in her eyes has been replaced by a sense of indifference.

    Cosina: (concerned look mixed with a strong sense of worry)  I’ll definitely bring a new song tomorrow. 

    After we finish the dancing thing, we can chatt for a long time.

    Cosina tries to look into Vira’s eyes. Vira’s look seems pretty distant.

    Cosina tries to get  Shall we do that?

    Veera: (Still distant) O.K.

    Vira drives her power-chair into the bedroom. 

    Cosina looks in silence at the disappearing power-chair. There is sadness in her eyes and on her face. She opens the door, and closes the door behind her.

    Vira is in the bedroom,  on her large sized bed with a small window situated right next to the bed,  as if it was made for her.

    Everything is just perfect, but…  Vira thinks,  the sadness in her eyes has turned into deathed calm.

    It is next day’s 8:30yish of morning- 

    Virendraani is laying on her king sized brown coloured mettle framed cott,  she bought in a hurry,  from ebay.

    She kept looking at the door,  with the same impatient urge, that  waiting for the door  to get a knocking sound on it,  that impatient which was felt by her,  the previous day, as she was waiting for Cosina.

    But as she lay in that soft comfy bed, she failed to feel an euphoric enthused graciousness towards the window and its placement thinkers,  as that window/its placement thinkers made it easy for her  to get a full view of the beautiful outside scene scape. Was Cosina too short,  to reach and reignite that sense of euphoric enthused graciousness with a sited in a wheelchair romance?

    And a flat knock woke her from her pondering thoughts. The flat knock, was heard on the door.

    Door was opened. 

    Uma walked in.

       Virendraani’s cerebral palsy’d body, was now being moved by jerks,  owing to, or better still,  thanks to, the emotional response of her body to Cosina’s non capability to match her,  ‘’give a damn to the agency and ‘its shitty policy” attitude.   

    Virendraani cleverly started conversing, to maneuver her attitude,  stuck and sort of lost amidst of a mouth,  with muscles tensing,  jerking and darting forward backward and anyward,  through that tough mouth. Thus she started this conversing,  in a laughing tone, 

    Vira: Uma you know what I was thinking? I never go out, I cant wear good cloths ever, so now I’ve decided I’ll wear good cloths at home. So no more p.j’s for me! You know you are not, NEVER a provider from the agency,  you know me that much,  right?

    On hearing Vira, she said, in an enthusiastic tone

    Uma: and for sure same here…

    Uma a medium in height, fair in skin with brown skin tone, is in possession of straight,  long,  thick hair black in colour,  like most Indians that she has thrown into casually tied bunball. 

    Uma herself is wearing a loose fitted off white and creamish coloured t-shirt with a round neck,  loose fitted light lemon Green coloured cotton pants with a flair at the bottom,  that cover up her Indian styled chappals wore in her feet.  

    The flared legged pants make it difficult for her chappals, to showoff their special mughal styled design or nakshikaam,  as they call the minute design on shoes in Hydrabad her Home Town in India. 

    Uma continued enthusiastically: And for dressing…Umm..yeah, that’s a nice idea!

    Vira looked satisfied, she had a broad smile, though her eyes were sad.

    Vira looked at the clock on the wall. It read 6. 

    Vira: (Trying to cover a smile which suddenly appeared on her face as she looked at the time.) 

    Vira: Uma can you get me ready? It’s 6, You’ll be leaving soon isn’t it?

    Uma: (In a respectful tone)  yes most certainly  I’m curious to see what will you chose to wear this evening…

    Vira: You know what I was thinki..

    The phone rings. Uma picks up the phone.

    Uma: Hello..?

    (Uma listens as the voice on the other end speaks. Vira looks intently as Uma listens.

    Uma: Sorry you have the wrong number.

    Uma listens

    Uma: No,

    Uma listens

    Uma: No this is an Independent Living facility for challenged people.

    Uma listens patiently

    Uma: (Enthusiastically): No this is not a group home, this is an apartment facility for physicaly challenged people.

    (Uma listens)

    Uma: For adults with disability living independently

    Uma: It is run by The Basic Help For Wings To Fly agency.

    Uma-  ( listening with a smile): You are welcome

    (Uma listens)

    Uma- (smilingly): No problem..

    Uma- (positive calm and cheerful tone: You also have a nice day ahead

    Uma hangs up the phone. Vira looks at her inquiringly

    Uma- :(walking towards the bedroom along side Vira ) : They had the wrong number.

    Vira: Whom did they want?

    Uma: They wanted  Basic Help’s For Wings To Fly agency’s group home office,

    Vira- : (cheerfully): They to get wrong number like India?!

    Uma: It must have so happened that instead of  B.H.F.’s group home they must have gotten the number of B.H.F.’s independent apartment’s number. Marcy says it happens a lot, people call her office to talk to one of the resident client living in this building!

    Vira- : (understandingly): Well, stuff happens.

    Vira-:  (her tone turns sad): after all I am one of their clients.

    As she speaks, Vira drives her power-chair to the bedroom. Uma follows her. She goes to the closet and slides it open. Vira looks thoughtfully at each pair of cloths, tops and jeans. She points to a pair of skinny jeans. Uma picks it out. Smiles. Veera looks at her and is enthused at that smile. Vira then looks at the tops which are hanging next to the jeans. Uma follows her gaze, picks out the top on which Vira’s gaze sat.

    Uma picks out a thin, cream coloured long sleeved T-shirt with a turtle neck- 

    As Uma follows Vira’s gaze,  Uma’s face showcases a silent conniving smile,  as if she has accomplished a treacherously satisfying mission.

    Vira: (Happy and pleased on seeing a treacherously satisfying look in Uma’s eyes and on her face.

    Vira-  Do you think these two will go together?

    Uma- showcasing zealous satisfaction: You have got it down! They’ll look fabulous on you!

    Vira: (with a smile and a thrill in her voice) Thank you Uma! You know I’m fortunate to have you ..(Vira pauses. Her tone comes down. The thrill in her voice disappears, she hesitates.) as my staff.

    Uma- (zealously satisfied) : Similar sentiments shared, .

    (Vira looks at the clock. It reads 6:15)

    Vira: Hey it’s 6:15, we got to hurry it up!

    Uma: (looking curious. An expression always on her face.) Yeah, we better hurry up! Or..

    Vira: (suddenly a serious expression spreads all over her face. It looks as if she is irritated by Uma’s curiosity) (Her voice raises a bit) Or what?

    Uma: No nothing, just that I should get out at 6:30.

    Vira: (Her irritation turns into a serious expression): Will they give you a notice?

    Uma: (Putting on an expression of doubt): I don’t know.

    Suddenly the expression changes on Uma’s face, as she speaks like she is talking to a child

    Uma- With pretentious innocence: Can they fire me for that?

    Vira: (Looks really irritated) : I don’t know.

    The clock shows 6:20. Vira looks at the clock, turns her wheel-chair’s power button on. Vira drives out of the room. Uma follows her. They both enter the restroom. Uma changes Vira, off of her thick jeans and her polyester pink frilled top,  into,  her red and white dotted pj shirt and same print patterned pajama pants. 

    Vira drives out of the restroom. Uma follows her into the livingroom

    Uma picks up her clothed hand bag,  with Lakhnavi embroidery, that she had bought at a baazaar in Hydrabad,  when she visited her home town,  a year ago,  after saving her pay checks given to her every month,  from  B.F.W.F.Agency (Basic Help’s For Wings To Fly agency.) 

    She picked that same hand bag, with delicate Lakhnavi embroidery, from the side of the couch,  in the living room,  of the apartment in Pennsylvania.

    Uma: O.K. Vira, I’ll get going.

    Vira: ( with urgency looking scared): But today’s tip?

    Uma’s back is towards Vira. Suddenly she unwinds her bunned hair,  all of it falls down on her shoulder. She turns, faces Vira. There is a brightness on her face. She looks almost devious for a moment, as she performs a sensuous dance step in front of Vira. Vira watches her carefully, intently following her body movement.

    Vira looks a bit worried,  her  self confidence disappears

    Vira speaking very humbly as Uma completes her dance.

    Vira: Will I be able to do all of that?

    Vira tries to memorize the steps as she asks this looking at her own practicing self.

    Uma, suddenly speaks devilish expressive eyes while picking up her bag-pack which she flung down on the floor when she started to demonstrate the dance steps. 

    Uma,  with a sad devilish smile : Ah! The steps seem too complicated?

    Vira looking at the sad devilish smile, seems to acquire new enthusiasm on her face.

    Vira: No no, not at all, I can do this.

    Uma: Alrighty, I’ll roll out now. See you tomorrow.

    Vira: (her eyes show a whole lot of affection as she speaks) O.K. Uma, go home safely.

    Uma walks out of the door. Vira drives near the fire-place. She looks intently at the door.

    Vira practices the dance steps that Uma had shown her. There is tension on her face as the clock moves forward. As the time passes by the tension grows deep on her face. In Between a smile creeps on

     her face as she looks at the clock and the door. But the smile vanishes as Vira, sitting on her wheel-chair, tries hard to perfect those dance movements.

    The wall clock shows 9:20, Vira looks at the clock. A chill runs through Vira’s body as the lock turns in the door.

    The door opens. A woman dressed in rough looking jeans and a big shirt enters. The woman has a roundish dark skinned face. Her big black eyes look even prettier with a black mascara. Her big shirt and her rough jeans give her a rough edge over her feminine look. The blend got Vira turn head over heals for this woman. And Vira forgot all her anxiety over her dance steps, as she looked into those big black eyes).

    Vira: (In a soft voice): Hi Cosina.

    Cosina: (Standing a little away from Vira: Hi. So, shall we dance?

    Vira: (hurt angry) Can’t you forget the damn dance for a second? I’ve been waiting for you since…

    Cosina: Forget the dance? Then forget me.

    Vira: (Desperate) Why? What’s so special…

    Cosina: (cutting her off, in a stern voice):Then forget me.

    Vira looks scared. Her face turns pale. She quickly changes her tone and her facial expression. She says in an enthusiastic tone: Yes, let’s dance!

    (As she speaks that sentence, she feels she has copied Uma’s enthusiasm.)

    (Cosina turns on the music. Cosina starts dancing. Vira moves her body sitting in the wheel-chair.)

    After dancing for awhile, Cosina just happens to look in Vira’s eyes. 

    Vira softly says)

    Vira (in a soft voice) I love you.

    Cosina: (looking in Vira’s big pretty eyes): I know.

    Vira (grabs the moment) Cant we be like everyone else. Can’t we forget this dancing thing? You know me since 8 years. I have loved you crazily. I’ll make you very happy. The love is enough for us to go on. We can make a perfect couple.

    Cosina: (jerking back, angrily in a frustrating tone) No. We can’t. You have to do this dance everyday,

    they want you to be a perfect match for me when I perform on the stage.

    Vira: (Trying hard to prove her point.) But I love you, I

    Cosina: So? They want you to be a perfect match for me in all of your behavior  when we are outside.

    Vira: (Angry tone) What perfect? I want to be your life partner, not your goddamn slave.

    Cosina: (In a slight surprised, yet angry tone) Well it is what it is. You have to dance and that too a perfect dance and be perfect in your social behavior as my spouse.

    Vira is hurt. Suddenly a strange confidence spreads on her face. She looks straight into Cosina’s eyes. There is a strange firm calmness in her eyes.

    Vira: (calm tone) O.K.

    Cosina steps back. Her face has a strange fear on it as she looks at Vira’s calm and distant look.

    Cosina: (In a gentle voice.) Tomorrow I’ll think of a new song and we can dance to it.

    Cosina, on instinctively realising something, tries to look into Vira’s eyes

    Vira doesn’t change the look, the one of strange calmness in her eyes

    Cosina’s face turns pale. She cheerfully says

    Cosina: ( in a cheerful loving tone): Then we can chat.

    Vira’s thoughts seem to be somewhere else. The softness which was there in her strange calmness within her eyes, has been replaced by a

     sense of indifference

    Cosina: (with a concerned look mixed in a strong sense of worry)  I’ll definitely bring a new song tomorrow. After we finish the dancing thing, we can chat for a long time

    Cosina: For as much time as you want

    Cosina: Ey you know this is their supervised apartment building, we can’t do anything even if I want to…

    Cosina tries to look into Vira’s eyes. Vira’s look seems pretty distant.

    Cosina tries to get Vira’s attention 

    Cosina- softness in voice: Shall we do that?

    Veera: (Still distant) O.K.

    Vira drives her power-chair into the bedroom. 

    Cosina looks in silence at the disappearing power-chair. There is sadness in her eyes and on her face. She opens the door, and closes the door behind her.

    It is next morning’s 8:30

    Virendraani is laying on her king sized brown coloured mettle framed cott  from ebay. 

    And she has that same impatient urge that of waiting,  accompanied this time,  by a striking yet deep seated sadness. The roots of which grew from sadness  for, and yet,  the pure anger at Cosina. In fact, that pure anger,  it was  not even at Cosina,  rather it was anger or, what could be better recognized as irritation,  on Cozina’s inability to have that mere level of maturity. That shear maturity, which would have shove everything aside,  when required,  to protect not herself nor Cozina,  but the ‘’themness’’, within their relationship.  

    Amidst all of these thoughts,  Virendraani could heard the turning of 

    the key in the door knob and the squeaking of the door hinges. That turning of the knob brought warmth, on Virendraani’s cold face,  

    grown so cold,  due either,  to the November snow drizzling in,  on the ground or to the sudden unmasking, of Cozina’s zestful love,  which when unmasked,  appeared faded.

    The sound of  footsteps going towards the couch,  a russell of plastic being put near the couch, were being heard and decoded,  by just woke brain, of Virendraani. And it suddenly crack brock the slow wriggling melancholied  sadness,  bursted it,  cleared the vapour of vagueness and thus dumped a deep sadness right in front of her. Virendraani, seemed deeply sad, for a moment or two, and it vanished as a sun from a night sky.  

      And entered Uma.

    As she entered the bedroom, being a staff at B.F.W.F.Agency (Basic Help’s For Wings To Fly),  and based on Virendraani’s stiff body, Uma could decipher that  Virendraani had spent a tough night.

    Uma- overtly affectionate body language and loving tone: What happened?? Quarreled?

    Virendraani showcasing a subtle shrewdity wrapped within child like helplessness 

    Virendraani in almost utter childishness: See what she did? Left me…

    Uma stays silent

    Virendraani- in artificial tragic tone: and how!!

    Uma-showing disbelievable belief:

    Uma in loving disbelief: She couldn’t handle your chair? Didn’t want to handle the chair? Or was simply jerking away?

    Vira: All of that,  

    Uma- showcasing sever hate: Jerk…

    Virendraani: So,..and then…you’d say??

    Uma: So I’d say yes. 

    A reader from Sion Mumbai Indian: Really? Can this happen there,  in U.S.? I…have no ide…maybe!?? Naa…just a master story cooker!

  • A story is an illusion expressed.

    Thus forth stories are illusions to go with

  • A story

    Arvind sips on his Coke in his Maruti zen,  as he breezes through the Bombay Pune highway,  that, surprisingly,  looks fairly empty at 8:30 on a Tuesday morning. Arvind Mahajane, a mid 30, not too dark not that fair either,  not too short not too tall,  makes it difficult for eyes around him to decide his origin! Fortunately, their city of Bombay, makes it convenient for those eyes not to care about his origin! The eyes have no time from their too busy routine,  of reaching themselves to their specific bus/train stations before getting stranded into their city’s mad traffic,  that could make it impossible for them to reach their respective work places at  those workplace’s respective certain sharp am’s. While they try to make it to their respective specific certain a.m’s, of their respective workplaces,   Arvind sips on his coke in his Maruti,  on the Bombay Pune highway. 

    Arvind drives away, he is happy, he always has been happy for 30 odd years, he can’t remember,  even if he racked his brain, a day when something “bad” has happened. 

    As he drives, the highway seems empty. Arvind feels a thrill through and through his spine, he thinks “wow what luck!” He drives carefree, with cool breeze rushing through his black thick hair, making him look even more dashing then he already was.

     All off a sudden the few cars which drove by his sides, disappear. Arvind feels a very eerie feel trickle through his spine,  he consoles himself by thinking that its because he cared about others and does not wish the highway all for himself. But gradually he starts enjoying the “good fortune”! He can’t think of any other word for what is happening. Arvind starts to feel elated.  He thinks to himself:, “an empty high way in a city like Bombay! common man that has got to be a stroke of fortune” “But then I don’t believe in any unseen power so is it?”

    Arvind suddenly realizes he is thinking weird. He looks at the Coke can. He takes it to his nose, he sniffs the coke, he shrugs his shoulders and once again turns carefree. He looks at the sky running his fingers through his hair. This time a feel of elation tricles and runs through his spine.

    Suddenly a body appears standing in the middle of the highway. Arvind steps hard on his breaks. Arvind clutches the steering wheel with both his hands. The coke can topples over, spilling the coke all over the front seat.

    The car comes to a screeching stop. A body like figure wrapped in a dull Blackish Gray blanket is stacked there just a few steps away from the car. There are no cars passing by. 

    Arvind hurriedly gets out of the car. He walks to the body. He feels curious, hesitant,  inquisit and more as he sets his inquiring thought only on the appearance of that ‘blanket shaped body’’,  but still thinks, “I hope the car did not hit.”

    The blanket shaped body moves a little.

     Arvind speaking gently: Are you okay? The body turns, Arvind,  feels an elated sensation throughout his body. He shrugs it off. He comes close to the body. He says, in a clearer and louder voice: Are you O.K? The body turns. Arvind impulsively closes his eyes as it suddenly becomes too bright. Arvind rubs his eyes. The body within the blanket said “I’m sorry.” 

    For a second Arvid feels strange in his stomach.  

    Hurriedly Arvind takes his attention off of the strange feeling in his stomach. He looks at the eyes as the body wrapped in the blanket turns around. 

    Arvind hears “Don’t worry the car did not hit.”

    Arvind feels relieved. He is just happily relived. He thinks, “oh wow, what a save!”

    The body suddenly says, laughing: Yeah what a save!

    Arvind looks surprisingly at the body wrapped in the Blackish Gray  blanket. The body turns towards him. Arvind sees the face which is not covered in that dull Blackish Gray blanket.

     Arvind looks at the face. He is just looking at it. He forgets everything else. The face is as delicate as though almost unreal. “It has a glow to it”, or “coming out of it”, Arvind Mahajane thinks. 

    The face speaks: Feel a glow coming out?

     Arvind is tickled. He is tickled that she is flirting right in the middle of a highway. He is tickled that the highway is empty with only his car on it.

     He says, smilingly

    Arvind smiling: Yeah, seems you read my mind!

    She smiles.

    The girl- smiling quietly but being polite: And you like it?

    Arvind almost instinctively: Yeah! 

    Then as he has just realized as to where he is, in the middle of a highway, talking to a girl whom he saw just a few seconds ago,  he says stepping little to his left side,  stepping a little away from the girl 

    Avind: I mean I like the fact that my car did not hit you.

    The girl looks displeased, she says, with an attitude: “oh I see.”

    Arvind looks at the beautiful face, he thinks “o shit, I messed up.”

    Arvind fumbles. The girl looks casual innocence. Arvind getting a grip, 

    Arvind- in a nice polite yet firm tone: It is getting warmer outside,  should we atleast try to get somewhere before the heat and mugginess increases?

    The girl grins in a yes,  suggesting a ‘’no harm done sign’ through the wide grin.

    Arvind walks a brisk confident short walk to the Maruti.

    He opens the front right side door of the Maruti for the girl.

    Arvind with firm gentleness: I hope you will be comfortable.

    The girl sits on the comfortably seated seat of that Maruti. 

    The girl says, in a tone flirtish: “And No permanent damage done.”

    Arvind for a second looked at her in a confused astonishment which naturally slipped out of him. 

    Arvind- judging the situation hence politely: I’m sorry?

    The girl completely ignorant of Arvind’s presence, starts fidgeting with the door, trying to open it; 

    The girl  in a child like  innocent complaining tone: My blanket got stuck in between the door when you shut it,  now the door seems jammed,  and it caught my blanket inbetween it

    Arvind understands what was going on. He now felt alert as he helped her retrieve the edge of the blanket. 

    She looks at him, suddenly smiles, she says in an innocent voice,

     : Oh I’m such a klutz, I should have asked you first.

     She looks directly at Arvind. Her tone of  voice now turns into a scared child’s tone. 

    : I’m lost.

    Arvind: Oh…I can drop you somewhere. Where are you headed to?

    She almost demanding, looking directly at Arvind

    : Where are you going?

     She adds immediately hesitantly, in an utterly innocent and helpless tone

    : “I’m lost.”

    Arvind trying to comfort her, in an enthusiastic tone

    : Oh don’t worry, I’ll drop you wherever you like. 

    He paused, he thought, “oh shit,  hope there’s enough gas.”

    The girl suddenly

    : Will you have enough gas? My place is a bit far.

    Arvind’s spine feels weird for a second,  but then regaining composure, spoke looking directly at her,  with a faint but confident  smile in his eye and bringing in a positive authority in his tone

    : Don’t worry I’ll fill her up on the way.

    Arvind feels cheerful, he likes her, “she’s my kind” he thinks. She looks at him, smiling. 

    Arvind did not avoid smile directed towards her,  as he shuts the Maruti’s door once again on the side of the girl,  to be on a safe side he thought. 

    Arvind feels happy. Suddenly his stomach feels weird. Arvind thought, “It must be the coffee I drank at home,  perhaps aai forgot to check the milk before putting it in the coffee,  it was bad I guess? must’ve spoilt in this heat.” He thought further  “Never leave for anywhere this early, ever again. Really the milk wasn’t fresh.”

    Suddenly she said

    : I wonder if I put the milk in the fridge or left it on the counter,  it was too early in the morning.

    Arvind stopped thinking, he looked at her with a serious surprise and suddenly a word came out of his mouth, 

    Arvind swinging between surprised and purplexity

    : What?? 

    She said calmly

    : I just truly hate being out of the house, in the wee hours of the morning.

    Arvind feels a little enthusiastic only as she now spoke normally or rather naturally…he says

    : Mind blowing! I was thinking the same thing, just a second ago!

    She speaks, her voice turned mysterious

    : “I know.” 

    Arvind confused

    Arvind: What?

    She, once again in a child like tone: 

    :I mean the milk has to be fresh for coffee. I just wondered if the milk in my kitchen will still be fresh?

    Arvind smiles, he says in a positive happy but with a certain poise

    With a poise: We can just hope for the best.

    She looks confused, she says

    In a confused tone: I’m sorry I don’t follow you.

    Arvind looks puzzled. He intently thinks for a second, “The milk on your kitchen counter”

    She smiled satisfied.

    Arvind does not pay attention to her smile, he speaks

    Plainly: The milk on your kitchen counter

    She speaks, smiling, 

    Chirpily: Yea I read it.

    Arvind looks at her, he instantly,  being driven by instinct,  asks- 

    Confused but plainly curious: Read what?

    She wears a plain straightforward expression- 

    Plain straightforwardly: Your thought.

    Arvind looked at her, slightly confused but plainly speaks- 

    Plainly: My thought? 

    She continues to be plain

    Plainly: Yeah, your thought.

    Arvind looks at her. He laughs confused.

    Arvind starts the car. He drives.

    Arvind gathers his confusion,  gives it a prop of smartness- 

    Smartly but cautiously: Boy you are funny!

    Suddenly her entire demeanor transforms into a child 

    Childish squeaky inquiring tone : Where is boy so funny?

    Arvind laughs, 

    Arvind looks at her with affection.

    : I like it, (he looks directly at her.) You are my kinda girl.

    She looks at him with a blank expression.

    Straight forward blank bluntly: I don’t understand what you are speaking.

    Arvind smirks. He thinks, “Playing hard to get?”

    The girl’s entire demeanor turns cheerful,  her eyes speak cheerfulness-  

    Cheerful chirpily:  Are we going to play a game?!

    Arvind smirks with confidence- 

    Smirkily: Ah! so the cat’s out of the bag!

    The girl looks over and around in the back seats of the car

    Cheerfully: Oh you have a cat? But why do you put her in a bag? You know she can suffocate and maybe die?

    Arvind roars into a laughter.

    The girl looks at him with her big innocent eyes.

    Arvind looks at her. He stares in her eyes.

    Arvind turns romantic

    Softly : Wow! I can look at them all day without blinking.

    The girl looks confused.

    Simingly confused: I don’t follow you.

    Arvind thinks, “Really? You’re going to continue with the game?? Gosh she kills me!”

    The girl appears startled

    Startled scared:  Oh no who wants to kill you? 

    Surprised flirtatiously:  Yeah you! But wait a bit, how did you know this? I was just thinking it!

    Arvind looks surprised- he once again feels carefreely happy- as he spoke those sentences-  

    The girl adjusts herself in her seat while speaking

    With utmost innocence: Yeah I read it.

    Arvind suddenly thrusts his feet with force on the break. The car suddenly comes to a sudden complete halt.

    Arvind looks at her. He is still holding the steering wheel.

    Arvind speaks clearly,  looking straight at her- 

    With clear firm emphasis:You read what??

    The girl turns disarm innocent about to cry

    In a childish crying tone: Your mind…

    Arvind just looks at her. He wants to change the mood urgently as he saw “the about to break into cry situation”,  of which he was an expert in dealing,  thanks to my dhaakti bahin,  my dearest younger sis,  the blackmail expert!

    Arvind: That’s cute.

    The girl turned even more innocent- 

    Bringing in all innocence that could be there : Is it? But they got scared and ran away.

    Arvind feels relief on handling the though blackmail,  but a stranger and that too a young attractive female, crying in his car, on a highway situation. With this new found ableness, he found within him,  he decides that to,  atleast give it a try to understand this strangely attractive young woman, 

    Trying to understand with an open mind and enthusiasm: Who?

    The girl looks straight at Arvind with child like innocence

    Childish complaining tone:Those three guys you know?

    Arvind: Oh your exes?

    The girl looks  at him with big hazel eyes with cuteness and a lingering tone of an ernest inquiry

    : What you mean by too much x’s?…there’s only an one x in the alphabet.

    Arvind laughs, but then looks at her eyes. He suddenly grabs her and kisses her on the lips.

    The girl lets him kiss her. 

    Arvind starts the car. They drive for a bit. The girl seems to be in deep thought. Suddenly she leans on Arvind. She  grabs  face, puts her lips on his lips and kisses him.

    Arvind pushes his feet on the break. She continues to kiss him. The car stops.

    She lets him go. Arvind sits back. He passes his fingers through his hair. He just sits there.

    The girl looks at him. Her face is curious. 

    In a child like tone: You like?

    Arvind looks at her. He grabs her. He kisses her lips.

    The girl looks scared. She bends her head down with a jerk, with her lower lip in between her teeth,  as she looks at him from the corner of her eyes

    With child like slyness:I din’t do a good job?

    Arvind looks at her and smiles.

    Arvind: Where in the world did you learn that?

    The girl looks cheerful as she looks at Arvind.

    The girl: They taught me, in case I meet someone.

    Arvind looks surprisingly at her.

    Arvind thinks, “Don’t tell me this city has coaching classes to that too!”

    The girl has a satisfactory innocent expression

    With plain innocence: No they just taught me.

    EDIT FROM HERE

    Arvind looks at her half attention on her and half attention on thoughts of the kiss.

    Arvind looking at her in a semi daze- alert state, his hands on the steering wheel 

    : What?

    The girl doesn’t want to lose a fraction of second  

    She starts to speak quickly : Few seconds back before that kiss happened  you thought about some classes yea? 

    Arvind is still in a daze- he answers

    In dazed disbelief: Yeah and? 

    The girl goes on looking at Arvind with an examining glance.

    She starts speaking steadily slow but uniformly broken speeches with long pauses between sentences

    : And..(pauses steals a quick look of his face as to examine his state)  so…(pause and repeats the same procedure )  I  got…(pauses and repeats the examining of his face)  only half educated. because they expelled me from the teaching room.

    Arvind suddenly starts talking

    Cutting her off: And so you are able understand only some my thoughts, right?

    The girl smiles wide,  as though she had managed achieving something long awaited.

    In a secret victorious enthusiastic tone: Yes, now I got my first point!

    Arvind is getting more attracted to her as she talked in her child like tone.

    Arvind holds her hand.

    The girl, again smiles wide.

    In a tone ringing with a sly satisfaction: Now I can be your girl-friend.

    Arvind re- settles in his seat, 

    He- in a mischievous tone: Wo ho slow down slow down!

    The girl,  in a child like innocence : But I’m not running.

    Arvind looks at her intensely

    He- Intensely and with a ring of slight affection: What are you?

    She looks blankly at him. 

    The girl in a simple tone: A girl.

    Arvind thinks, “What are you?mmm…truly?”

    The girl: (In an innocent tone): A girl…truly a girl

    Arvind (startled): Ummh?

    The girl: (trying to explain in a tone of a 8 year old with the help of her hands gestures.): You thought “Woho slow down slow down”, so I thought and then you thought..what are you? umm.. truly? AND THEN LAST words you said were ummh? an..

    Arvind interrupts her in the mid sentence.

    Arvind: (holding up both his palms in mid air):Wai wai wai wai… you said this before. So you say you read my thoughts?

    She looked closely at Arvind’s mouth as he spoke

    Arvind looked at her examining  stare on him.

    Arvind: What are you doing?

    The girl: I’m trying to read your lips.

    Arvind,  now getting a little edgy 

    With slight exasperated: What? Why? You were understanding me perfect 

    She tries earnestly- 

    The Girl: Because I still have not learned to listen fully.

    Arvind thinks, “what listen?”

    The Girl: (looking happy) To speech.

    Arvind: What?

    The girl: Yes I can do that much only.

    Arvind just looks at her with a blank face. He thinks, “What speech? What the fuck is she talking now?…”

    The girl: Ah I know that word. People  think it all the time in your city.

    Arvind gets a bit irritated): hey what are (He stops points one finger indicating that she should wait. He thinks) What are you talking about? Speech? Are you deaf you mean?

    Arvind suddenly stops pointing the finger and says

    Arvind: Do you have hearing

    The girl: (Not listening to him) No I’m not deaf. I just don’t hear words. I read them as you adjust them in your mind.

    Arvind:  you on hashish or something of that kind?

    The girl: I’m sorr…

    Arvind thinks, looking directly at her, “don’t follow you, right?’’

    The girl: (Smiles shyly) Right.

    Arvind shakes his head. He thinks, “I better get rid of her’’

    The girl: (Suddenly clasps both her palms together and kneels on the seat): Please don’t do that? Please let me be your girl-friend? Please?

    Arvind just looks at her. Arvind: You have..(The girl looks completely blank and helpless.

    Arvind stops speaking. Now he thinks. “Do you have any idea of what a girl-friend is.”

    Arvind: (Suddenly looks around to see if anyone saw him think.) Arvind thinks, Oh shit what am I doing??

    The girl: (smiling wide) Yes of course. The girl-friend- your kind- goes out eating and shopping with her boy friend. (she points out a finger-like an excited  kid who knows the answer that her teacher just asked the class.) And (she emphasizes each word) They (she pauses and looks at Arnold) have (she looks down shyly) have babies!

    Arvind just looks at her, without saying thinking anything.

    The girl: (looks at him intently): You are not thinking anything, so what’s up with that??

    Arvind simply just looks at her. He is sitting facing her. 

    The girl: (Smiling wide) Do you want to know how I make a boy-friend?

    Arvind keeps looking at her with a mixed expressions of disbelief, confusion but with his head and heart at right place. He has his chin rested on his palms. He has rested his elbow on his thighs and his face,  on and cupped in between his two palms.

    Arvind:, (still resting his face on his palms, his elbows still resting on his thighs): You’ll tell me I’m sure.

    ( He looks at her,) : Ah! (He points his finger to his temple part of his head) (He thinks) “Yeah mind talk… sure go ahead.”

    She jumps with excitement. She sits up right. She too,  raises one finger- 

    The girl: See (she points at her side of the seat) The girl-friend (She smiles shyly) sits here. (She points her finger to where Arnold is sitting) The boy friend sits there.

    Arvind is sitting still with his elbow on his right thigh and his face rested on his palms.

    The Girl: Then the girl thinks, no no (she moves her hands like a 7 year old would move when excited) The boy thinks that he is

     (she scratches her head. Then suddenly smiles a big exited smile) 

    The Girl:The (speaks very clearly putting a lot of emphasis on the next word) boy…thinks of opening the girls pants. (She shyly looks at Arvind) 

    (Arvind is sitting in the same position. He doesn’t say anything.)

    The girl: (putting emphasis on each word) Then (she plays with her fingers looking shy) the boy  thinks …(suddenly looks straight at Arvind) Don’t you know what a boy does?

    Arvind (still looking at her says without making any movement): Yes (he stops and thinks in a calm tone) “Yes I know what we, I mean the boy does.” 

    Arvind:Then? 

    Immediately he thinks, “Then?”,  to not waist time incase she decides to turn deaf on demand.

    The girl: (Making a straight face) Then? You don’t know? (she smiles) Don’t worry, I’ll tell you. (She raises her arms) Then they have a (She claps her hands. She  shouts. ) a baby!

    Arvind just looks at her.

    The girl: (In a sweet voice. Bends her head to the side like a 4 year.) Now can I be your girl-friend?

    Arvind sits there in the same position for a few seconds.

    The girl looks at Arvind. She tries to read his lips in order to guess as to what is he saying.

    The girl: I’m sorry  I don’t follow you.

    Arvind starts to say something, looks at her and smiles)

     Arvind thinks, “Before we do that”

    The girl interrupts him. She claps her hands)

    The girl: You mean have a (she claps and shouts): Have a baby?

    Arvind Thinks, “yes. Before that I need to buy something “

    The girl: (shouts in happy tone): A gift for me I know!

    Arvind: Yes. He looks at her. He thinks: “Yes, a gift”

    The girl: I’ll go with you.

    Arvind firmly flatley: No. 

    She looks at him. She looks scared.

    The girl: (in a scared tone): I’m sorry I don’t follow you.

    Arvind looks at her. He slowly dawns a smile. He puts his hand on her hand. He thinks, “I wish I could surprise you,  but my bad luck this is a car in the middle of somewhere god knows where and with no shops around.”

    She looks at him. She smiles nodding her head.

    The girl: O.K. I’ll wait for you here. She points at the little pavement. Arvind now used to her reading his thoughts casually reaches stretching his arm over across her and with perfect calm unlocks the car door. The girl opens the door. She gets out.

    Arvind closes the door after her. He sees the blanket, he lowers the window. He touches her hand. She turns. She looks at him with some eagerness. He hands the Grey dusty blanket to her. She takes it. He rolls up the window. He gets out of the Maruti. walks up to where she is standing.

    She wraps the blanket around her. He stands examining the area,  as if searching for something.

    They stand on the side of Maruti. Arvind can’t help but gaze at the scenario stretched out before him  

     The girl has returned to her seat of Maruti Suzuki. She fallen asleep,  wrapped wound inside the reddish Grey blanket. Arvind sits next seat to hers,  with headphones of a C.D. Player covering his ears,  He seems pleased with something,  his next seated company or the songs flowing in his ears,  noone will know. 

    Scene inside could be sketched as this: The girl,  wrapped in the brown rough but warm thagged blanket seems to be fast asleep,  resting her head on the opaque glass window of right hand side car door. Her face shows a without a care expression.

    After an hour or so the girl stirs,  the girl wakes up.

    EDIT FROM HERE Friday 24 January 2025

    Arvind, exists the Maruti suzuki,  walks around it,  walks up to the car door, on the girl’s side. He opens the door,  she slides swiftly out of the car,  gathering the brown thagged rough blanket closely, wraps it around her own self.

    Arvind lockes doors on both sides of the car from outside.

    They are right on an outskirt of a village. 

    ADD GIRL ENTERING THE TENT SCENE

    Backdrop of the scene: An outskirt,  of a village near Satara,  Maharashtra

    Scene: Place Same outskirts of same town near Satara Maharashtra.

    Backdrop of the scene: A open rugged ground,  tents set in a circular shape all around edges of that ground. One bullock cart parked next to each tent. It is a nomad tribal group base, 

    a green bordered lantern hangs outside wooden pole,  of each tent. 

    The girl’s body language wears shear confidence now as she carries the brown thagged blanket on her folded arm.

    The girl knowing exactly where to go,  walks straight to a tent with a blue framed lantern. Suddenly she turns towards Arvind who has been walking quietly all this way,  at a step’s distance, right behind her.

    The girl in a clearcut no nonsense tone: You can go now.

    The girl walks straight into the tent.

    Last scene: 

    Backdrop to scene: A inside of a tent. The walls carefully covered by thick layers of cow dung.

    Scene: A girl, appearing of 8 years,  with brown skin,  wearing green petticoat like long skirt and same colored blouse with gold thin border on the border of the sleeves. 

    She is sleeping deep sleep,  like a new born on the thagged brown blanket.

    The blanket is brown rough but warm and thagged.

  • તોફાની ધમાલે ચઢેલ નસોએ ફરમાવ્યું: કાવ્યો…તો દોટે ભરાયા કંઈ આમ આ કાવ્યો…

    કાવ્ય 1 કાવ્ય 2ને: તુએ આવ્યું બાર એની અંદરથી?
    કાવ્ય 2:કઈ રીતે એ હુંજ જાણું કે જાણે પ્રભુ!
    એ સેવટનો શબદતો બોલજ નહીં, એનામાં “ભૂતની માતા” સચારવા મોંડે સે!
    કાવ્ય 3: છોની રે અને મોચલાતુ લાગે સે
    એ કસો વોનો નોય બોન કરી નાય પેટ હેઠું બેશશે…
    કાવ્ય 4: એ…ઈ…ને..એ…ઈ..ને એ….ઈ…આ ઓક્યું….

    કાવ્ય 5: હું ઓકાયું?
    કાવ્ય 4 કાવ્ય 5 એક સાથે : એ આ હમધુ, ને પેલું તો ઠીક હતું નાંનું ઓકયું પણ બોન બીજુ ઓક્યું એ તે આયને આમ લાંબુ રેલાયું એયને આહ
    1
    બેફામ બગડ
    પછી હું તને કરી દઈશ/લઈશ…લાશ કી ક્યા પતા નહીં, ક્યા
    યા કોનસા વાલા પતા નહીં
    લેકિન અબ તું બેફામ બગડ

    1
    ભોમિયા વિના ભમ્વુંતું?
    :તુંતો કરે છે
    પેલું નથ કરવું
    :તુંતો નથી કરતી
    ના પણ
    :તો તુ કાયમે અટકે હૈ?
    ખબર નથ
    :ઔર મેરી કવિતા?
    યા મેરા કાવ્ય
    :હા જેકાંઈ પણ હોય એ?
    પતી જશે
    ; સમ્પલ્લ?
    નઈતો કચ્ચર ઘાણ કર ડાલુગી
    : ખ઼રજ?
    હો ય
    note for readers regarding 2nd last word within above poem: [ખરજ? મા ખ઼ ને અનુસ્વાર લાઈક મરાઠી ક્રિબિંગ અથવા ચાગલી ભાષા વાળી ચાઈલ્ડ સ્પીચ ]

    2
    ખોવાઈ ગઈ?
    ખતમ થઇ ગઈ?
    માહિત નાઇ
    મન્ગ સડુંન મર નાયતર જીવ
    કોઈ ફર્ક નહીં પડતા
    ચાલ ઝુક પેલા આવી રહયા લાગે છે

    3
    મરવું છે જીવવા
    મરવું છે જીવવા,
    તો પણ મ્રાતુંતો નથી
    ઓહ આઈ સી,
    હું આવી ગઈ ફરી
    અજવાળા અંધારા એન્ડ ઓલ ઓફ ધેટ
    અબતો અઠે જ દ્વારકા
    તો પણ જ કેમ દૂર કર્યો દૂર રાખ્યો?
    હોપ ફ્લોટ્સ યુ નો?
    ઓ આઈ સી
    યસ ઇટ્સ લાઈક ધેટ ઓન્લી ડચ ડચ (ઝીભ અને તાળવાથી જે અવાજ થાય એ સાઉન્ડ ઈફેક્ટ )

    4
    જરા એકલું મૂક્યું
    તો નાઠયું મારું બેટ્ટુ
    જીવન

    5
    જરા એકલું મૂક્યું
    તો મારું બેટ્ટુ
    નાઠયું જીવન

    6
    ડાબોડીયો ઢૂંઢે
    ખભે ધાભળો હાથમાં ફાનૂસ લઇ
    લતડફતડ લતડફતડ આમતેમ આમતેમ
    જાને કિસ ઔર ન જાને ક્યા?
    લેકિન કિન્તુ પરંતુ કરી ફિર ઢૂંઢે ચહુ ઔર
    ન જાને ક્યા? યા જાને ક્યા?

    ટુચકું કાવ્ય હાયકુ : અધધધ આટલું બધું ઓકાણું
    કાવ્ય 12 તાડૂકયું: એ કોણ?
    ટુચકું કાવ્ય:; શાબ માફી કૃપા શાબ
    કાવ્ય 12 તાડૂકયું: નવું નોખું છું તું, બારે ગામથી ટપક્યું છું, હામ ખાય ને બેહ ખાચરે, લવર લવર કર્યું તો ડોકું ધડથી જાશે, ખબરદાર
    ટુચકુ કાવ્ય હાયકુ::મોફી શાયેબ માફી
    કાવ્ય 12: વારુ માફી…બેસ હરખું ખૂણો ધરી.

    7
    જીવનને જીવાડવામાં
    હું મને ભુલાઈ ગઈ.

    8
    જીવન ગોખી ફેંદી ગોઠવવામાં
    હું મરાથી ભૂંસાણી

    ટુચકુ કાવ્ય: કઈ હમઝાણું ના આ શું હમદું ઓકાણુ?

    9
    મને મારી બાજુમાં જીવવું છે

    ટુચકુ કાવ્ય: કઈ કઈ હમઝાણું આ ઓકમાનું. પણ ઓકાય બોન આમ માન?

    10
    એક બાએ કિલ્લો જોઈતોતો
    ખુલ્લા માથા કાજે
    ચિતરાઈ ગયો
    નથ જોઈતો
    ચીતરેલો બા
    ખુલ્લા ચિતરાઈ ગયેલા મગજ કાજે.

    11
    હૂતો ક્યાંય ફિટ્જ નથ બેસતી
    તો ચલ ઝન્ડ થૈયા થૈયા થૈયા થઇ કરીયે

    12
    मीं झन्णाट वेडि
    એટલેજ તું જીવેજ જીવે છે.

    ટુચકું કાવ્ય: અરે તતારીની, આતે અજબનો દુઓં ઓકાંણો લ્યો બોલો..
    વડવુ કાવ્ય: સુ બોલો?
    ટુચકું કાવ્ય: કે એઈયને જીવેજ જીવે હૈ

    13
    હું જન્માવું જીવન
    હું જન્માવું મરણ
    હું જીવું મરણ
    હું આરોગું મરણ
    હું ઓકુ મરણ
    હું મરણ

    ટુચકું કાવ્ય: કે એઈયને ચ્યબોર નથ શું બરડયું આએ?

  • LIFE WALKS STILL DEAD

    1
    I walk
    I walk groundless
    I walk
    I walk maples
    I walk feetless
    I walk
    I walk

    2
    Tore up my face
    to show them
    my nerves
    yet they think nerves
    are really iron pipes
    dented thronging static.
    I stay
    on one Island
    I live on another Island
    I thrive on a third island
    we three never met
    I found you, a mirror image of mine
    then my nerves throbbed
    you walked away
    in hope of letting
    my nerves stretch out
    to wound you
    There I lost you.
    3
    A bit away from love,
    a bit away from laughter,
    a bit away from smiles,
    a bit away from nerves,
    a bit away I live a still life.

    4
    I hear them laugh,
    but I cant listen their cause.
    I see them smile,
    but I cant see their reason.
    Do they live?
    Or am I dead?
    5
    I crept through life once,
    my skin scraping the earth and humans.
    Something went blunt, within or out there.
    Now I walk through life,
    my skin sees,
    it lost its touch.
    Now it just sees.
    Its oval eyes don’t seem to seep into anything,
    or is it them who refuse to seep in me?
    I march through life,
    Echoes of my footsteps dance in my year,
    is it me who has abandoned them
    or have they pushed me out of the life?

    6
    Mindscapes erased.
    I live blindly,
    trying hard
    to erase
    other mindscapes
    around,
    to create mine.

    7
    I dodge thoughts
    around the spikes,
    they have grown inside my head.
    I throw a glance at those spikes,
    constructing spaces
    around them,
    to let thoughts flow,
    un-tattered.
    8
    I put life aside
    looking for zest,
    life walks by me,
    each day,
    shoving me out
    aside,
    still,
    dead.

    9
    Hands and brains
    invaded
    my body mind statue.
    They tempered with those two,
    tempered those two,
    turning them
    into mockeries.
    I stand aloof,
    loathing those two,
    the altered mind and that body.
    I calmly watch,
    eyes, once acquainted with that mind,
    now mocking the tempered brain.
    I stare at them in silence in calm.

    10
    Hands gestured a life,
    I tried to catch it,
    Each time
    my skin my palm
    clutched my nails within them,
    I thought it was the life that stabbed my palm.
    Once I found there was no life,
    once I found it to be a figment of imagination,
    of whom? I couldn’t tell,
    the pain was too sharp,
    pain of disappointment?
    No,
    it was just the pain
    of my nails
    trying to catch
    a figment of cleverly created
    shadow of her,
    of life
    that never existed,
    or which existed only in those
    hand-gestures.

    11
    The balls,
    thrown in the air,
    they hated the act of juggling in air
    that those hands made them perform.
    Then one day something happened,
    those hands got crushed,
    the balls grew spikes.
    Now the air,
    will it welcome the spiked balls?
    Or will it shun those little spiked balls,
    sliding into one of its smooth corners?

    12
    There was a lady with a ringing laughter,
    she believed in something called god.
    They thought I and god did not look eye to eye,
    so they declared her untouchable,
    if I touched her I would turn untouchable myself,
    they declared.
    Then a day she left.
    I did not see her only heard of her,
    was she untouchable because of her god
    or was she turned untouchable
    by those shallow minds who thought
    her god scared me?

    13
    I should write about them,
    I’m told.
    I looked for them,
    here and there,
    I couldn’t find them.
    I looked everywhere,
    I felt an eerie feeling within me.
    I looked inside me,
    I saw them,
    creeping, loathing inside me
    with their week minds,
    creeping in my body like parasites,
    surviving on me.

    14
    A story of a blank paper,
    that blank paper wished to write.
    It asked a pen and its ink to write its story.
    The pen and it’s ink took charge,
    the ink was blue in color and the pen had a fine nip
    They wrote a lovely story.
    The ink was everywhere on the paper,
    It created a story of a lovely paper.
    People read the story,
    They admired the fine writing
    They admired the blue ink.
    The paper silenced behind the
    blue ink, the fine writing
    and the story these two created.

  • A story to go

    Arvind sips on his Coke in his Maruti zen, as he breezes through the Bombay Pune highway, that, surprisingly, looks fairly empty at 8:30 on a Tuesday morning. Arvind Mahajane, a mid 30, not too dark not that fair either, not too short not too tall, makes it difficult for eyes around him to decide his origin! Fortunately, their city of Bombay, makes it convenient for those eyes not to care about his origin! The eyes have no time from their too busy routine, of reaching themselves to their specific bus/train stations before getting stranded into their city’s mad traffic, that could make it impossible for them to reach their respective work places at those workplace’s respective certain specific sharp am’s. While they try to make it to their respective specific certain a.m’s, of their respective workplaces, Arvind sips on his coke in his Maruti Zen, on the Bombay Pune highway.
    Arvind drives, he is happy, he always has been happy for 30 odd years, he can’t remember, even if he racked his brain, a day when something “bad” has happened in his 30 years of moderate to almost maxed out happy life.
    As he drives, the highway seems empty. Arvind feels a thrill through and through his spine, he thinks “wow what luck!” He drives carefree, with cool breeze rushing through his black thick hair, making him look even more dashing then he already was.
    All off a sudden the few cars which drove by his sides, disappear. Arvind feels a very eerie feel trickle through his spine, he consoles himself by thinking that its because he cared about others and does not wish the highway all for himself. But gradually he starts enjoying the “good fortune”! He can’t think of any other word for what is happening. Arvind starts to feel elated. He thinks to himself:, “an empty high way in a city like Bombay! common man that has got to be a stroke of fortune” “But then I don’t believe in any unseen power so is it?”
    Arvind suddenly realizes he is thinking weird. He looks at the Coke can. He takes it to his nose, he sniffs the coke, he shrugs his shoulders and once again turns carefree. He looks at the sky running his fingers through his hair. This time a feel of elation tricles and runs through his spine.
    Suddenly a body appears standing in the middle of the highway. Arvind steps hard on his breaks. Arvind clutches the steering wheel with both his hands. The coke can topples over, spilling the coke all over the front seat.

    The car comes to a screeching stop. A body like figure wrapped in a dull Blackish Gray blanket is stacked there just a few steps away from the car. There are no cars passing by.
    Arvind hurriedly gets out of the car. He walks to the body. He feels curious, hesitant, inquisit and more as he sets his inquiring thought only on the appearance of that ‘blanket shaped body’’, but still thinks, “I hope the car did not hit.”
    The blanket shaped body moves a little.
    Arvind speaking gently: Are you okay? The body turns, Arvind, feels an elated sensation throughout his body. He shrugs it off. He comes close to the body. He says, in a clearer and louder voice: Are you O.K? The body turns. Arvind impulsively closes his eyes as it suddenly becomes too bright. Arvind rubs his eyes. The body within the blanket said “I’m sorry.”
    For a second Arvid feels strange in his stomach.
    Hurriedly Arvind takes his attention off of the strange feeling in his stomach. He looks at the eyes as the body wrapped in the blanket turns around.
    Arvind hears “Don’t worry the car did not hit.”
    Arvind feels relieved. He is just happily relived. He thinks, “oh wow, what a save!”
    The body suddenly says, laughing: Yeah what a save!
    Arvind looks surprisingly at the body wrapped in the Blackish Gray blanket. The body turns towards him. Arvind sees the face which is not covered in that dull Blackish Gray blanket.
    Arvind looks at the face. He is just looking at it. He forgets everything else. The face is as delicate as though almost unreal. “It has a glow to it”, or “coming out of it”, Arvind Mahajane thinks.
    The face speaks: Feel a glow coming out?
    Arvind is tickled. He is tickled that she is flirting right in the middle of a highway. He is tickled that the highway is empty with only his car on it.
    He says, smilingly
    Arvind smiling: Yeah, seems you read my mind!
    She smiles.
    The girl- smiling quietly but being polite: And you like it?
    Arvind almost instinctively: Yeah!
    Then as he has just realized as to where he is, in the middle of a highway, talking to a girl whom he saw just a few seconds ago, he says stepping little to his left side, stepping a little away from the girl
    Avind: I mean I like the fact that my car did not hit you.
    The girl looks displeased, she says, with an attitude: “oh I see.”
    Arvind looks at the beautiful face, he thinks “o shit, I messed up.”
    Arvind fumbles. The girl looks casual innocence. Arvind getting a grip,
    Arvind- in a nice polite yet firm tone: It is getting warmer outside, should we atleast try to get somewhere before the heat and mugginess increases?
    The girl grins in a yes, suggesting a ‘’no harm done sign’ through the wide grin.
    Arvind walks a brisk confident short walk to the Maruti.
    He opens the front right side door of the Maruti for the girl.
    Arvind with firm gentleness: I hope you will be comfortable.
    The girl sits on the comfortably seated seat of that Maruti.
    The girl says, in a tone flirtish: “And No permanent damage done.”
    Arvind for a second looked at her in a confused astonishment which naturally slipped out of him.
    Arvind- judging the situation hence politely: I’m sorry?
    The girl completely ignorant of Arvind’s presence, starts fidgeting with the door, trying to open it;
    The girl in a child like innocent complaining tone: My blanket got stuck in between the door when you shut it, now the door seems jammed, and it caught my blanket inbetween it
    Arvind understands what was going on. He now felt alert as he helped her retrieve the edge of the blanket.

    She looks at him, suddenly smiles, she says in an innocent voice,
    : Oh I’m such a klutz, I should have asked you first.
    She looks directly at Arvind. Her tone of voice now turns into a scared child’s tone.
    : I’m lost.

    Arvind: Oh…I can drop you somewhere. Where are you headed to?
    She almost demanding, looking directly at Arvind
    : Where are you going?
    She adds immediately hesitantly, in an utterly innocent and helpless tone
    : “I’m lost.”
    Arvind trying to comfort her, in an enthusiastic tone
    : Oh don’t worry, I’ll drop you wherever you like.
    He paused, he thought, “oh shit, hope there’s enough gas.”
    The girl suddenly
    : Will you have enough gas? My place is a bit far.
    Arvind’s spine feels weird for a second, but then regaining composure, spoke looking directly at her, with a faint but confident smile in his eye and bringing in a positive authority in his tone
    : Don’t worry I’ll fill her up on the way.
    Arvind feels cheerful, he likes her, “she’s my kind” he thinks. She looks at him, smiling.
    Arvind did not avoid smile directed towards her, as he shuts the Maruti’s door once again on the side of the girl, to be on a safe side he thought.
    Arvind feels happy. Suddenly his stomach feels weird. Arvind thought, “It must be the coffee I drank at home, perhaps aai forgot to check the milk before putting it in the coffee, it was bad I guess? must’ve spoilt in this heat.” He thought further “Never leave for anywhere this early, ever again. Really the milk wasn’t fresh.”
    Suddenly she said
    : I wonder if I put the milk in the fridge or left it on the counter, it was too early in the morning.
    Arvind stopped thinking, he looked at her with a serious surprise and suddenly a word came out of his mouth,

    Arvind swinging between surprised and purplexity
    : What??
    She said calmly
    : I just truly hate being out of the house, in the wee hours of the morning.
    Arvind feels a little enthusiastic only as she now spoke normally or rather naturally…he says
    : Mind blowing! I was thinking the same thing, just a second ago!
    She speaks, her voice turned mysterious
    : “I know.”
    Arvind confused
    Arvind: What?
    She, once again in a child like tone:
    :I mean the milk has to be fresh for coffee. I just wondered if the milk in my kitchen will still be fresh?
    Arvind smiles, he says in a positive happy but with a certain poise
    With a poise: We can just hope for the best.
    She looks confused, she says
    In a confused tone: I’m sorry I don’t follow you.
    Arvind looks puzzled. He intently thinks for a second, “The milk on your kitchen counter”
    She smiled satisfied.
    Arvind does not pay attention to her smile, he speaks
    Plainly: The milk on your kitchen counter
    She speaks, smiling,
    Chirpily: Yea I read it.
    Arvind looks at her, he instantly, being driven by instinct, asks-
    Confused but plainly curious: Read what?
    She wears a plain straightforward expression-
    Plain straightforwardly: Your thought.
    Arvind looked at her, slightly confused but plainly speaks-
    Plainly: My thought?
    She continues to be plain
    Plainly: Yeah, your thought.
    Arvind looks at her. He laughs confused.
    Arvind starts the car. He drives.
    Arvind gathers his confusion, gives it a prop of smartness-
    Smartly but cautiously: Boy you are funny!
    Suddenly her entire demeanor transforms into a child
    Childish squeaky inquiring tone : Where is boy so funny?
    Arvind laughs,
    Arvind looks at her with affection.
    : I like it, (he looks directly at her.) You are my kinda girl.
    She looks at him with a blank expression.
    Straight forward blank bluntly: I don’t understand what you are speaking.
    Arvind smirks. He thinks, “Playing hard to get?”
    The girl’s entire demeanor turns cheerful, her eyes speak cheerfulness-
    Cheerful chirpily: Are we going to play a game?!
    Arvind smirks with confidence-
    Smirkingly: Ah! so the cat’s out of the bag!
    The girl looks over and around in the back seats of the car
    Cheerfully: Oh you have a cat? But why do you put her in a bag? You know she can suffocate and maybe die?
    Arvind roars into a laughter.
    The girl looks at him with her big innocent eyes.
    Arvind looks at her. He stares in her eyes.
    Arvind turns romantic
    Softly : Wow! I can look at them all day without blinking.
    The girl looks confused.
    Simingly confused: I don’t follow you.
    Arvind thinks, “Really? You’re going to continue with the game?? Gosh she kills me!”
    The girl appears startled
    Startled scared: Oh no who wants to kill you?
    Surprised flirtatiously: Yeah you! But wait a bit, how did you know this? I was just thinking it!
    Arvind looks surprised- he once again feels carefreely happy- as he spoke those sentences-

    The girl adjusts herself in her seat while speaking
    With utmost innocence: Yeah I read it.
    Arvind suddenly thrusts his feet with force on the break. The car suddenly comes to a sudden complete halt.
    Arvind looks at her. He is still holding the steering wheel.
    Arvind speaks clearly, looking straight at her-
    With clear firm emphasis:You read what??
    The girl turns disarm innocent about to cry
    In a childish crying tone: Your mind…
    Arvind just looks at her. He wants to change the mood urgently as he saw “the about to break into cry situation”, of which he was an expert in dealing, thanks to my dhaakti bahin, my dearest younger sis, the blackmail expert!

    Arvind: That’s cute.
    The girl turned even more innocent-
    Bringing in all innocence that could be there : Is it? But they got scared and ran away.
    Arvind feels relief on handling the though blackmail, but a stranger and that too a young attractive female, crying in his car, on a highway situation. With this new found ableness, he found within him, he decides that to, atleast give it a try to understand this strangely attractive young woman,
    Trying to understand with an open mind and enthusiasm: Who?
    The girl looks straight at Arvind with child like innocence
    Childish complaining tone:Those three guys you know?
    Arvind: Oh your exes?
    The girl looks at him with big hazel eyes with cuteness and a lingering tone of an ernest inquiry
    : What you mean by too much x’s?…there’s only an one x in the alphabet.
    Arvind laughs, but then looks at her eyes. He suddenly grabs her and kisses her on the lips.
    The girl lets him kiss her.
    Arvind starts the car. They drive for a bit. The girl seems to be in deep thought. Suddenly she leans on Arvind. She grabs face, puts her lips on his lips and kisses him.
    Arvind pushes his feet on the break. She continues to kiss him. The car stops.
    She lets him go. Arvind sits back. He passes his fingers through his hair. He just sits there.
    The girl looks at him. Her face is curious.
    In a child like tone: You like?
    Arvind looks at her. He grabs her. He kisses her lips.
    The girl looks scared. She bends her head down with a jerk, with her lower lip in between her teeth, as she looks at him from the corner of her eyes
    With child like slyness:I din’t do a good job?
    Arvind looks at her and smiles.
    Arvind: Where in the world did you learn that?
    The girl looks cheerful as she looks at Arvind.
    The girl: They taught me, in case I meet someone.
    Arvind looks surprisingly at her.
    Arvind thinks, “Don’t tell me this city has coaching classes to that too!”
    The girl has a satisfactory innocent expression
    With plain innocence: No they just taught me.

    Arvind looks at her half attention on her and half attention on thoughts of the kiss.
    Arvind looking at her in a semi daze- alert state, his hands on the steering wheel
    : What?
    The girl doesn’t want to lose a fraction of second
    She starts to speak quickly : Few seconds back before that kiss happened you thought about some classes yea?
    Arvind is still in a daze- he answers
    In dazed disbelief: Yeah and?
    The girl goes on looking at Arvind with an examining glance.
    She starts speaking steadily slow but uniformly broken speeches with long pauses between sentences
    : And..(pauses steals a quick look of his face as to examine his state) so…(pause and repeats the same procedure ) I got…(pauses and repeats the examining of his face) only half educated. because they expelled me from the teaching room.

    Arvind suddenly starts talking
    Cutting her off: And so you are able understand only some my thoughts, right?

    The girl smiles wide, as though she had managed achieving something long awaited.
    In a secret victorious enthusiastic tone: Yes, now I got my first point!
    Arvind is getting more attracted to her as she talked in her child like tone.
    Arvind holds her hand.
    The girl, again smiles wide.
    In a tone ringing with a sly satisfaction: Now I can be your girl-friend.
    Arvind re- settles in his seat,
    He- in a mischievous tone: Wo ho slow down slow down!
    The girl, in a child like innocence : But I’m not running.
    Arvind looks at her intensely
    He- Intensely and with a ring of slight affection: What are you?
    She looks blankly at him.
    The girl in a simple tone: A girl.
    Arvind thinks, “What are you?mmm…truly?”
    The girl: (In an innocent tone): A girl…truly a girl
    Arvind (startled): Ummh?

    The girl: (trying to explain in a tone of a 8 year old with the help of her hands gestures.): You thought “Woho slow down slow down”, so I thought and then you thought..what are you? umm.. truly? AND THEN LAST words you said were ummh? an..
    Arvind interrupts her in the mid sentence.
    Arvind: (holding up both his palms in mid air):Wai wai wai wai… you said this before. So you say you read my thoughts?
    She looked closely at Arvind’s mouth as he spoke
    Arvind looked at her examining stare on him.
    Arvind: What are you doing?
    The girl: I’m trying to read your lips.
    Arvind, now getting a little edgy
    With slight exasperated: What? Why? You were understanding me perfect
    She tries earnestly-
    The Girl: Because I still have not learned to listen fully.
    Arvind thinks, “what listen?”
    The Girl: (looking happy) To speech.
    Arvind: What?
    The girl: Yes I can do that much only.
    Arvind just looks at her with a blank face. He thinks, “What speech? What the fuck is she talking now?…”
    The girl: Ah I know that word. People think it all the time in your city.
    Arvind gets a bit irritated): hey what are (He stops points one finger indicating that she should wait. He thinks) What are you talking about? Speech? Are you deaf you mean?
    Arvind suddenly stops pointing the finger and says
    Arvind: Do you have hearing
    The girl: (Not listening to him) No I’m not deaf. I just don’t hear words. I read them as you adjust them in your mind.
    Arvind: you on hashish or something of that kind?
    The girl: I’m sorr…
    Arvind thinks, looking directly at her, “don’t follow you, right?’’
    The girl: (Smiles shyly) Right.
    Arvind shakes his head. He thinks, “I better get rid of her’’
    The girl: (Suddenly clasps both her palms together and kneels on the seat): Please please don’t do that? Please let me be your girl-friend? Please beautifully please?
    Arvind just looks at her.
    Arvind: You have..
    The girl looks completely blank and helpless.
    Arvind stops speaking. Now he thinks. “Do you have any idea of what a girl-friend is.”
    Arvind suddenly looks around to see if anyone saw him think.) Arvind thinks, Oh shit what am I doing??
    The girl: (smiling wide) Yes of course. You are doing The girl-friend- your kind- goes out eating and shopping with her boy friend. (she points out a finger-like an excited kid who knows the answer that her teacher just asked the class.) And (she emphasizes each word) They (she pauses and looks at Arnold) have (she looks down shyly) hide and have babies! And that is why…you are ummm doing…umm…doing…you are hidding from all eyes to have babies by me..did I pass?
    Arvind just looks at her, without saying thinking anything.
    The girl: (looks at him intently): You are not thinking anything, so what’s up with that??
    Arvind simply just looks at her. He is sitting facing her.
    The girl: (Smiling wide) Do you want to know how I make a boy-friend?
    Arvind keeps looking at her with a mixed expressions of disbelief, confusion but with his head and heart at right place. He has his chin rested on his palms. He has rested his elbow on his thighs and his face, on and cupped in between his two palms.
    Arvind:, (still resting his face on his palms, his elbows still resting on his thighs): You’ll tell me I’m sure.
    ( He looks at her,) : Ah! (He points his finger to his temple part of his head) (He thinks) “Yeah mind talk… sure go ahead.”
    She jumps with excitement. She sits up right. She too, raises one finger-
    The girl: See (she points at her side of the seat) The girl-friend (She smiles shyly) sits here. (She points her finger to where Arnold is sitting) The boy friend sits there.
    Arvind is sitting still with his elbow on his right thigh and his face rested on his palms.
    The Girl: Then the girl thinks, no no (she moves her hands like a 7 year old would move when excited) The boy thinks that he is
    (she scratches her head. Then suddenly smiles a big exited smile)
    The Girl:The (speaks very clearly putting a lot of emphasis on the next word) boy…thinks of opening the girls pants. (She shyly looks at Arvind)
    (Arvind is sitting in the same position. He doesn’t say anything.)
    The girl: (putting emphasis on each word) Then (she plays with her fingers looking shy) the boy thinks …(suddenly looks straight at Arvind) Don’t you know what a boy does?
    Arvind (still looking at her says without making any movement): Yes (he stops and thinks in a calm tone) “Yes I know what we, I mean the boy does.”
    Arvind:Then?
    Immediately he thinks, “Then?”, to not waist time incase she decides to turn deaf on demand.
    The girl: (Making a straight face) Then? You don’t know? (she smiles) Don’t worry, I’ll tell you. (She raises her arms) Then they have a (She claps her hands. She shouts. ) a baby!
    Arvind just looks at her.
    The girl: (In a sweet voice. Bends her head to the side like a 4 year.) Now can I be your girl-friend?
    Arvind sits there in the same position for a few seconds.
    The girl looks at Arvind. She tries to read his lips in order to guess as to what is he saying.
    The girl: I’m sorry I don’t follow you.
    Arvind starts to say something, looks at her and smiles)
    Arvind thinks, “Before we do that”
    The girl interrupts him. She claps her hands)
    The girl: You mean have a (she claps and shouts): Have a baby?
    Arvind Thinks, “yes. Before that I need to buy something “
    The girl: (shouts in happy tone): A gift for me I know!
    Arvind: Yes. He looks at her. He thinks: “Yes, a gift”
    The girl: I’ll go with you.
    Arvind firmly flatley: No.
    She looks at him. She looks scared.
    The girl: (in a scared tone): I’m sorry I don’t follow you.
    Arvind looks at her. He slowly dawns a smile. He puts his hand on her hand. He thinks, “I wish I could surprise you, but my bad luck this is a car in the middle of somewhere god knows where and with no shops around.”
    She looks at him. She smiles nodding her head.
    The girl: O.K. I’ll wait for you here. She points at the little pavement. Arvind now used to her reading his thoughts casually reaches stretching his arm over across her and with perfect calm unlocks the car door. The girl opens the door. She gets out.
    Arvind closes the door after her. He sees the blanket, he lowers the window. He touches her hand. She turns. She looks at him with some eagerness. He hands the Grey dusty blanket to her. She takes it. He rolls up the window. He gets out of the Maruti. walks up to where she is standing.
    She wraps the blanket around her. He stands examining the area, as if searching for something.
    They stand on the side of Maruti. Arvind can’t help but gaze at the scenario stretched out before him

    The girl has returned to her seat of Maruti Suzuki. She fallen asleep, wrapped wound inside the reddish Grey blanket. Arvind sits next seat to hers, with headphones of a C.D. Player covering his ears, He seems pleased with something, his next seated company or the songs flowing in his ears, noone will know.
    Scene inside could be sketched as this: The girl, wrapped in the brown rough but warm thagged blanket seems to be fast asleep, resting her head on the opaque glass window of right hand side car door. Her face shows a without a care expression.
    After an hour or so the girl stirs, the girl wakes up.

    Arvind, exists the Maruti suzuki, walks around it, walks up to the car door, on the girl’s side. He opens the door, she slides swiftly out of the car, gathering the brown thagged rough blanket closely, wraps it around her own self.
    Arvind lockes doors on both sides of the car from outside.
    They are right on an outskirt of a village.

    Backdrop of the scene: An outskirt, of a village near Satara, Maharashtra
    Scene: Place Same outskirts of same town near Satara Maharashtra.

    Backdrop of the scene: A open rugged ground, tents set in a circular shape all around edges of that ground. One bullock cart parked next to each tent. It is a nomad tribal group base,
    a green bordered lantern hangs outside wooden pole, of each tent.
    The girl’s body language wears shear confidence now as she carries the brown thagged blanket on her folded arm.
    The girl knowing exactly where to go, walks straight to a tent with a blue framed lantern. Suddenly she turns towards Arvind who has been walking quietly all this way, at a step’s distance, right behind her.
    The girl in a clearcut no nonsense tone: You can go now.
    The girl walks straight into the tent.
    Scene:
    Backdrop to scene: A inside of a tent. The walls carefully covered by thick layers of cow dung.
    Scene: A girl, appearing of 8 years, with brown skin, wearing green petticoat like long skirt and same colored blouse with gold thin border on the border of the sleeves.
    She is sleeping deep sleep, like a new born on the thagged brown blanket.
    The blanket is brown rough but warm and thagged.

  • દોટ કાવ્યો

    તોફાની ધમાલે ચઢેલ નસોએ ફરમાવ્યું: કાવ્યો…તો દોટે ભરાયા કંઈ આમ આ કાવ્યો…

    1

    ભોમિયા વિના ભમ્વુંતું?

    :તુંતો કરે છે 

    પેલું નથ કરવું 

    :તુંતો નથી કરતી 

    ના પણ 

    :તો તુ કાયમે અટકે હૈ?

    ખબર નથ 

    :ઔર મેરી કવિતા? 

    યા મેરા કાવ્ય 

    :હા જેકાંઈ પણ હોય એ?

     પતી  જશે 

    ; સમ્પલ્લ? 

    નઈતો  કચ્ચર ઘાણ કર ડાલુગી 

    : ખ઼રજ?   

    હો ય 

     note: [ખરજ? મા ખ઼ ને અનુસ્વાર લાઈક મરાઠી ક્રિબિંગ અથવા ચાગલી ભાષા વાળી ચાઈલ્ડ સ્પીચ ]

    2

    ખોવાઈ ગઈ?

    ખતમ થઇ ગઈ?

    માહિત નાઇ 

    મન્ગ સડુંન મર નાયતર જીવ  

    કોઈ ફર્ક નહીં પડતા 

    ચાલ ઝુક પેલા આવી રહયા લાગે છે

    3

    મરવું છે જીવવા 

    મરવું છે જીવવા, 

    તો પણ મ્રાતુંતો નથી 

    ઓહ આઈ સી,  

     હું આવી ગઈ ફરી 

    અજવાળા અંધારા એન્ડ ઓલ ઓફ ધેટ 

    અબતો અઠે જ દ્વારકા

    તો પણ જ કેમ દૂર કર્યો દૂર રાખ્યો?

    હોપ ફ્લોટ્સ યુ નો?

    ઓ આઈ સી 

    યસ ઇટ્સ લાઈક ધેટ ઓન્લી ડચ ડચ  (ઝીભ અને તાળવાથી જે અવાજ થાય એ સાઉન્ડ ઈફેક્ટ ) 

    4

    જરા એકલું મૂક્યું 

    તો નાઠયું મારું બેટ્ટુ 

    જીવન 

    5

    જરા એકલું મૂક્યું 

    તો મારું બેટ્ટુ 

    નાઠયું જીવન 

  • Few groundless Nerves and a tough bodied brain sat murmering…..


    1
    I walk
    I walk groundless
    I walk
    I walk maples
    I walk feetless
    I walk
    I walk

    2
    Tore up my face
    to show them
    my nerves
    yet they think nerves
    are really iron pipes
    dented thronging static.
    I stay
    on one Island
    I live on another Island
    I thrive on a third island
    we three never met
    I found you, a mirror image of mine
    then my nerves throbbed
    you walked away
    in hope of letting
    my nerves stretch out
    to wound you
    There I lost you.

    3
    A bit away from love,
    a bit away from laughter,
    a bit away from smiles,
    a bit away from nerves,
    a bit away I live a still life.

    4
    I hear them laugh,
    but I cant listen their cause.
    I see them smile,
    but I cant see their reason.
    Do they live?
    Or am I dead?

    5
    I crept through life once,
    my skin scraping the earth and humans.
    Something went blunt, within or out there.
    Now I walk through life,
    my skin sees,
    it lost its touch.
    Now it just sees.
    Its oval eyes don’t seem to seep into anything,
    or is it them who refuse to seep in me?
    I march through life,
    Echoes of my footsteps dance in my year,
    is it me who has abandoned them
    or have they pushed me out of the life?

    6
    Mindscapes erased.
    I live blindly,
    trying hard
    to erase
    other mindscapes
    around,
    to create mine.

    7
    I dodge thoughts
    around the spikes,
    they have grown inside my head.
    I throw a glance at those spikes,
    constructing spaces
    around them,
    to let thoughts flow,
    un-tattered.

    8
    I put life aside
    looking for zest,
    life walks by me,
    each day,
    shoving me out
    aside,
    still,
    dead.

    9
    Hands and brains
    invaded
    my body mind statue.
    They tempered with those two,
    tempered those two,
    turning them
    into mockeries.
    I stand aloof,
    loathing those two,
    the altered mind and that body.
    I calmly watch,
    eyes, once acquainted with that mind,
    now mocking the tempered brain.
    I stare at them in silence in calm.

    10
    Hands gestured a life,
    I tried to catch it,
    Each time
    my skin my palm
    clutched my nails within them,
    I thought it was the life that stabbed my palm.
    Once I found there was no life,
    once I found it to be a figment of imagination,
    of whom? I couldn’t tell,
    the pain was too sharp,
    pain of disappointment?
    No,
    it was just the pain
    of my nails
    trying to catch
    a figment of cleverly created
    shadow of her,
    of life
    that never existed,
    or which existed only in those
    hand-gestures.

    11
    The balls,
    thrown in the air,
    they hated the act of juggling in air
    that those hands made them perform.
    Then one day something happened,
    those hands got crushed,
    the balls grew spikes.
    Now the air,
    will it welcome the spiked balls?
    Or will it shun those little spiked balls,
    sliding into one of its smooth corners?

    12
    There was a lady with a ringing laughter,
    she believed in something called god.
    They thought I and god did not look eye to eye,
    so they declared her untouchable,
    if I touched her I would turn untouchable myself,
    they declared.
    Then a day she left.
    I did not see her only heard of her,
    was she untouchable because of her god
    or was she turned untouchable
    by those shallow minds who thought
    her god scared me?

    13
    I should write about them,
    I’m told.
    I looked for them,
    here and there,
    I couldn’t find them.
    I looked everywhere,
    I felt an eerie feeling within me.
    I looked inside me,
    I saw them,
    creeping, loathing inside me
    with their week minds,
    creeping in my body like parasites,
    surviving on me.

    14
    A story of a blank paper,
    that blank paper wished to write.
    It asked a pen and its ink to write its story.
    The pen and it’s ink took charge,
    the ink was blue in colour and the pen had a fine nip
    They wrote a lovely story.
    The ink was everywhere on the paper,
    It created a story of a lovely paper.
    People read the story,
    They admired the fine writing
    They admired the blue ink.
    The paper silenced behind the
    blue ink, the fine writing
    and the story these two created.